NCHMHM AND ME November 6, 2008

The term Harley Boy made him wince.  
So he started calling himself NCHMHM:
Non-Clingy High Mach Harley Man.  
We had nothing in common.  Obviously. 
But I loved talking with him anyway.  
I loved a surprising lot of things about the guy.
Maybe I shouldn’t have started to say so …
But I had to be true to myself too. 
And he, being his NCHMHM self …
Had to [...]

CURIOSITY October 13, 2008

                          
 I find myself wondering
… what he looks like in the sunlight
… or what an ordinary day might be like, with him in it.
 I find myself wondering
… how he feels, if he feels anything at all    
… if I can survive any more nights of not feeling.   
I find myself asking
… what if, like Psyche, I took this candle really close
… and tried to uncover the mystery behind
The god. The [...]

INNER QUIET May 1, 2008

I went back to the Gandhi museum on a Monday … when I knew it would be closed.
I was the only visitor on the grounds that afternoon.
And so the gardener let me walk this path normally cordoned off from guests — the path tracing Gandhi’s footsteps to the exact spot where he was shot in 1948.
I stood [...]

DREAM WORLDS WITHIN US February 1, 2008

Today was the enth time in the past few months that I suddenly awakened to the sound of myself screaming.  And found R shaking me, trying to figure out what happened again.
I used to have bad dreams about being tortured by monsters or watching my loved ones die, which would make me scream.  But lately I haven’t [...]

SUNLESS SUNRISE: EDITED VERSION December 22, 2007

Opening Montage:
Dizzying spinning, sickening drinking
Room full of breaking hearts
Cutaway:
Me on my sixth or is it seventh shot
Thought I was whole yet am as broken as they
Transition To:
A talk resumes as deep as the ocean
Should have told him I don’t know how to swim
Jump Cut Series:
Are the hours really passing
The time-keeper forgets to check her clock
Upsot:
Don’t [...]

EMPTY December 21, 2007

I’m starting to feel what it’s like to be alone again. 
You have to understand this is not easy for someone who has been a serial monogamist for more than half her life.  I pretended to be independent but behind me there was always a strong man. 
I was with a math whiz for five years who calculated my grade [...]